Is online dating halal?

She says, “It’s halal.” He says, “No, it’s haram.” So begins an online dating conversation in the world of Islam. In this article, we will explain a few of the intricacies of online dating for Muslims.

What Are Halal and Haram?

The sacred Qur’an and Islamic law (Shariah) see halal and haram as opposites. Halal is approved behaviour, while haram is usually perceived as sin.

Halal vs Haram

These contrasting concepts most likely originated with Islam itself, between the late BCE and early CE. At that time, they appeared to refer most often to food and health choices.

Ultimately these concepts come down to people’s personal decisions. Those decisions extend, literally and metaphorically, beyond the realm of food, and in this instance the world of online dating.

The Role of Dating in Islam

It’s generally known that devout Muslims draw a line separating the Islam-sanctioned style of dating and what goes on with couples from other faiths.

Traditionally, marriages in Islam are arranged by parents and relatives acting as matchmakers. When one eager family networks with members of other marriage-ready sons or daughters, they hope to discover a perfect match for the eligible future wife or husband-to-be.

Once a family has identified a possible future spouse, the couple moves on to courtship where one or more chaperones escort them to dinners and other events so they can get to know each other.

In many cases today, though, the courtship can go in different directions:

• If both members of the couple agree the match is a good one, they continue the courtship until someone sets a marriage date
• One or both members of the couple might go along with the courtship to assuage family worries — while discretely dating others
• The entire family (or most of them) agree that, in the 21st Century, a single person might need more latitude in choosing a future mate.

What, then, should be permissible in today’s Muslim dating protocols?

Online Dating for Muslims Today

In recent decades, some Muslim families have compromised on traditions and expectations. Career-focused young people face different realities than their parents did due to changed cultural norms.

Like those of other faiths, many Muslims now live and work far from their families. While quite a few still adhere to Islamic beliefs and practices, some rituals are no longer feasible.

A young Muslim woman could hardly expect her mother or another family member to chaperone her on a date if they live many miles away. While living in a majority non-Muslim place can bring new pressures.

What about work-related social invitations from culturally mixed groups? These can be both tempting and necessary. A young Muslim may not want, or expect, to be excused from such an event on religious grounds.

Online dating provides an alternative. It offers a neutral ground for independent-minded young adults and their more conservative elders and family members.

Is Online Dating Allowed in Islam?

As mentioned earlier, there can be a blurred line between halal and haram. And as we all know, dating brings people very close to that line, if not over it.

For those needing a way to find a future spouse and uphold Shariah, using the right online dating site could be the answer.

For halal online dating, the site must understand and promote the observance of Islamic law. What follows is a brief discussion of some of the more popular Muslim dating sites and the degree to which each adheres to Shariah.

Muzmatch

Muzmatch was the first and now ‘world’s biggest’ community for single Muslims to find partners. The company was started in 2014 by an engineer and a former banker to solve the Muslim dating dilemma.

As one of the founding partners explained, “For Muslims, marriage is such a big part of your life. We don’t really date, we marry.”

Yet Muzmatch owes much of its success to an ability to combine cultural expectations with the chattiness and other conventions of most online social media interactions — not significantly different from other dating sites.

One exception might be Muzmatch’s option to invite an online ‘chaperone’.

Minder

At the other end of the Muslim online dating spectrum is Minder, often referred to as ‘the Muslim Tinder’.

For instance, when creating dating profiles, new members are asked to indicate their religiosity on a scale, from ‘Not practising’ to ‘Very religious.’

While of some relevance to non-Muslims, for Muslims, information like this is essential for dating success.

ESHQ

Following the precedent of the religion-neutral app Bumble, ESHQ has turned the gender tables and put Muslim women in charge of their dating experience. As the site puts it,

“We want you to take ownership of conversations. Ladies, when there’s a mutual match, you have 48 hours to initiate the conversation. Of course, fancy pickup lines are optional, but you may be surprised how far they can take you.”

Pure Matrimony

Pure Matrimony has a clear purpose: for the subscriber to find a marriage partner in the most expeditious yet traditional Muslim way possible.

As they explain, “Our ethos is based upon the Quranic ayah in which Allah states ‘women of Purity are for men of Purity and men of Purity are for women of Purity'” (Quran 24:26).

Hawaya and other new entrants to the traditional Islam online dating scene have missions similar to Pure Matrimony.

The Verdict: Is Online Dating Haram or Halal?

The 21st Century has brought rapid and often unpredictable change to the ways people interact socially. Cultural norms and generational differences, which have always caused friction, are as palpable as ever.

Even so, generational differences, sometimes outright clashes, have always played a role in cultural evolution.

When all is said and done, many Muslim parents (even some grandparents) see online dating sites as an apt compromise among different generations and cultural expectations.

Whether online dating is halal or haram comes down to an individual’s decisions and behaviours.

While most online dating sites for Muslims strive to be halal, they (and we) can only hope their subscribers comply.

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